Alone I drifted from house to house calling none home. Promises and religion and boring sermons I listen to, but, unable to grasp and cling to a message. Then though a phone call during worship, I heard the blare of and electric guitar and voices singing. The next week I had to see for myself, as Tim made his Guitar sing, as Jonathan followed with his Base, Laura made the keyboards dance as music filled the air. The women danced and waved flags and screams of praised filled the air, not church that I knew, strange as it was, I was compelled to come back. That Sunday things were different, a different twist to the music, more of a folk 60’s style, an angelic voice who made my soul melt and my spirit tremble, where the Angels of heaven joined in harmony to praise the Almighty. I found a house I can inhabit for a while. There was no Religion, there was no judgment, and there was no arrogance, everyone true to how they are, No Church Faces that I can see.
I spent some time studying the members, strange group of people but, I can relate, I have spent my religious life wanting MORE, Hungry, in search of wisdom, understanding, to Know who God is. I wanted answers and received none. I wanted to be counted but, I was only a number. I had no importance under heaven, but yet I felt since my childhood a calling, I found it odd that I could at time see the unseen, and know events to happen, not like a fortune teller, or a psychic claim to read the future, I just knew, couldn’t answer why or how, I JUST knew. This group had similar things going on, there are intercessors whose prayers could move mountains, there are worshipers whose music and song was lifted to heaven and even the angels praises fell silent so the almighty can hear the song of his children, there are those who interpret the metaphoric dreams of Gods message, and there are those whose kind words heals the broken soul and lifts the spirit. Every individual was a well oiled piece of the complex machine that they called family. All are necessary I learned for this family to be united and work for the glory of God, but I still was an Outsider living in someone’s home. I was welcomed but, still an outsider.
Change of time happened and what I thought was a well oiled machine was human in nature; there was feeling of betrayal and loss of Hope. The hand of God was lifting was the consensus I felt. I knew it was only the accuser testing and prying, to bring judgment and separation. I knew. But my gift was nothing compared to the ones around me. I am but a child learning to walk. How do I fit? I’m an outsider to this family. I am abrupt in my mannerisms, crude in my speech, fast to react, and not easy to express my thoughts. How do I HELP heal the pain? Why do I feel like I need to be here?
A few years passed and I was called to a higher position in the church. Confusion set in and took some time to pray and ask why me? Why me, when there have been members there from the beginning of the establishment of this church, whose children grew up in this church, this family.
Some have dreams, others hear, I knew. I knew that I now belonged to a family, broken, in need of healing, in need of self-esteem, in need of answers. Listen, observe, and heal. In my daily life, I am a paramedic, I have to assess, diagnose and treat aggressively, I have to know, be right, or my patient suffers or dies. Every person is important, every gift has its place, every member has their dream, and together we glorify the Name of God and in turn we become better to ourselves, our families, and our friends thus becoming an example.
Now I know what my purpose is as the “Outsider Looking In”. You know what your purpose is in this family called Christianity, and the Home that was built.
Love, Peace and Grace of our Father be yours.
